You’ve left the dorm room with the loft built, posters hung, and mini fridge fully stocked — but the farewell hug at the end of college move-in day is never easy. If anything lessens the pain of that hard goodbye, it’s knowing that family weekend is only a few weeks away.
The Best Reunion
Universities understand that families and students miss each other, so most organize an event-packed family weekend in early fall, after students have had a chance to adjust to campus life.
Melissa Jones, dean of students and associate vice president of student affairs at the University of Mary Washington (UMW) in Fredericksburg, says family weekend should be whatever the student wants or needs it to be. “Let the student take the lead,” says Jones. “They’ve spent several weeks exploring the campus and taking classes, and they want to show you what their life looks like there.”
Like many universities, UMW offers a schedule of family weekend activities, including concerts, sporting events, open houses, and tours. “The first thing I tell parents is that they don’t need to have every minute of this weekend planned out,” says Jones. “Leave room for your student to take you to the places around campus that are special to them. Most events are flexible enough that you can drop in and drop out.”
Adjust Your Expectations
Parents and students may have different ideas about how to spend this time together. Don’t be surprised if your child is unable to spend every moment with you — they are trying to balance your visit with their academics, campus activities, and time with friends.
“Plan ahead, but not too much,” says Lori Barnes of Chantilly. Barnes’ daughter Caroline graduated from the University of Lynchburg in 2021, and her other two children, Lindsay and Connor, recently graduated from Virginia Tech. “It’s important to kind of meet your student where they are and be willing to give them some space. We are so excited to be reunited, but it’s important to not overcrowd or smother them.”
Amy Kelly of Fairfax agrees. “Prioritize what’s important to your child,” Kelly says. Her son Sean is a senior at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, and her son Ryan is a junior at Coastal Carolina University in Conway, South Carolina. “I think some students don’t care about all the activities that have been set up. They may not be excited about playing cornhole on the field, so let them have downtime if they need it.”
Parents might need downtime, too. “One of my sons had a lot of friends from home on campus,” says Kelly. “He wanted us to meet with this friend and then that friend. By 10 p.m., we couldn’t keep up with them, so we told him we were done for the night and let him run off with his friends.”
Kelly suggests being considerate of your child’s time. “If we plan to leave at the crack of dawn on Sunday, we say our goodbyes on Saturday night. I don’t need to make them get out of bed at 6 a.m. just to say goodbye when we leave, unless they want to. They really do need the sleep.”
Stay in the Loop
College family weekends are heavily attended, so make plans early. Frequently check parent resource pages on the school’s website, sign up for parent newsletters and email distribution lists, and join Facebook and other social media parent groups specific to your child’s school and graduation year.
Many universities maintain useful mobile apps offering event registration details and updated schedules, as well as campus maps, transportation, and parking information.
“I receive emails that link me to the events, providing information about registration or tickets,” says Kelly. “I feel like family weekend freshman year is nonnegotiable, so I’m like, ‘Nope, we’re coming. It’s the first one, so we’ll be there.’ Being out of state, it’s hard for the kids to just hop in the car for seven hours and come home, so we maximize the time together as much as we can.”
Networking with a student’s university-based organizations or teams is advisable. “Fraternity and sorority commitments can take up a lot of time on family weekend,” says Kelly. “They may have their own dinners or events, especially if linked with a football game. Ask early if there are special plans you need to know about.”
Book Lodging ASAP
Expect lodging to fill up quickly. “The second you learn the dates for family weekend, find accommodations and just book it,” advises Kelly. Besides hotels near campus, parents might consider hotels further away, Vrbo and Airbnb options, or even cabin or tent camping at nearby parks.
“Be flexible,” Barnes says. “Be open to what’s available, and don’t be disappointed if your lodging choices aren’t great the first year. We were lucky to be introduced to a local inn near the Virginia Tech campus, and we made it our home away from home for the next few years. We were able to do that because we joined the inn’s parents club.”
Families can establish loyalty relationships with some hotels and inns, allowing them to receive advance notice and early reservations for special weekends. “That was really helpful, especially for graduation, because graduation rooms sell out fast,” says Barnes. “Signing up in a parents club when your student is a freshman makes a bit of a difference.”
Plan Ahead to Dine Out
Jones says UMW students especially enjoy showing parents the restaurants in Fredericksburg’s historic downtown. “One of the first things your student is going to ask is which restaurant you are taking them out to. And they will want to bring a friend. So, be prepared to pick up that bill,” she says.
If cost is a concern, she suggests parents talk with their student privately in advance about how many friends they can invite and which restaurants are within budget.
Kelly Spencer of Centreville has sent five children to college — one to Virginia Commonwealth University and three to UMW. Her youngest, Hayden, is a sophomore at the University of Pittsburgh.
“Hayden had a few friends whose parents could not come to family weekend, so we included them at lunch or dinner while there,” says Spencer. “We enjoy trying restaurants that are a little further from campus, where it’s less crowded.”
Barnes suggests parents consider skipping restaurants altogether. “You’re so excited to see each other and talk, but everything in town is so busy and packed,” says Barnes. “Our inn had a courtyard, so we could pick stuff up at the grocery store and bring it back. It was a lot less stressful.”
Barnes’ son turned 18 during his first parents weekend, so they arranged a cookout at their hotel. “We invited his roommate and some hallmates, and it was such a blast having all the kids relaxing around the table and hearing their stories.”
Do Your Research
Spencer says it’s wise to do research before heading to campus. “I like to be organized, so I bring my notebook with a schedule of the things we signed up for. But we also leave open time to rest or explore. We try not to jam too much in one day.”
Some considerations are practical, like knowing where to park, what to wear, and which activities require registration or added fees. “Pittsburgh had a tailgate before the game, but it turned out to be pretty expensive per person, and we have a large family,” says Spencer. “Wear good walking shoes and dress for the weather, which can fluctuate in the fall. It got surprisingly cold during our visit to Pittsburgh.”
If family weekend includes a football game, tickets may be hard to get for freshmen. “Don’t be afraid to look for tickets through a third party,” says Kelly. “Check one of the parent sites online in case someone has some they don’t need.”
If a game is not in the plans, Kelly advises coming up with a list of places in the area to explore. “Do research for a plan B,” she says. “Have that knowledge in your head so you can make suggestions without being pushy. Like, ‘Let’s check out some great waterfalls nearby,’ or ‘I know of a killer hike right off campus.’”
And make a list of things to do on your own if your child is unavailable. “I met with some other moms one morning for paddleboard and yoga,” says Kelly. “It was super fun.”
You’ll Be Back
“My heart broke when I sent my first child to kindergarten,” says Barnes. “I didn’t want to let go, and it was the same when I sent the first one to college. But I’ve learned that college students will actually be home a lot more than you think. They head off in August, but then they’re back home at Thanksgiving and then for four or five weeks at Christmas, and the semesters are short.”
And parents weekend doesn’t necessarily have to be on the school’s official parents weekend. “At least after the first year,” says Kelly. “Check in with your child. Our kids usually wanted us to visit on other weekends based on their interests, when it’s less busy or maybe for a football game in the fall or a baseball game in the spring.”
A Little Love from Home
Bringing some of the student’s favorite comforts from home is always appreciated. “We would try to bring something that they couldn’t get at school,” says Barnes. “My son and his roommate had a love for breakfast burritos from Anita’s, a restaurant in Chantilly, so his roommate’s father would send us with a cooler full of them when we visited. They loved it, and it reminded them of home.”
Administrators at UMW understand that not every family is able to visit their student on family weekend. “No one should feel bad about that,” says Jones. “But parents should not hesitate to FaceTime their student during that weekend, and they should include the pets in those calls, because the students absolutely want to see them, too.”
At any time, Jones suggests sending a little love from home via snail mail. “Send a note or treat from home, but remind them to check their campus mailbox. It really means a lot. They will love it. If you send 36 cookies, your child might eat six and then share the other 30 with students in the hall. A great way to make new friends, right?”
Feature image of University of Mary Washington, stock.adobe.com
